Love Is Not Self-Centered (Does Not Seek Its Own)

Love is not self-seeking or self-serving. Morris explains this characteristic in this way:

… love ‘does not seek its own,’ which might be understood to mean ‘Love is not selfish’, or ‘does not insist on its own way’. Though these two things are different, they are both born of self-centeredness—and it is this that love rules out. Love is concerned with the well being of the loved ones, not with its own welfare.

I like what Fee has to say about this characteristic of love:

This is the fifth consecutive item that specifically echoes earlier parts of the letter, this time 10:24 and 33. … In some ways this is the fullest expression of what Christian love is all about. It does not seek its own; it does not believe that ‘finding oneself’ is the highest good; it is not enamored with self-gain, self-justification, or self-worth. To the contrary, it seeks the good of one’s neighbor—or enemy ( Philippians 2:4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. ).

The Corinthians are completely self-absorbed. They measure themselves by their gifts and ministries and do not think of themselves as a part of the body of Christ. They have marvelous “self-esteem,” but they disdain Paul and the other apostles (see chapter 4). They are so self-centered they are willing to demand the freedom to practice their alleged liberties, even if it destroys a weaker brother (chapter 8). They assert themselves in the church meeting with little or no regard for others and for edification.

The church of our day is hardly different. The word “self” is found often on the lips of professing Christians. We are told that our first priority is to love ourselves so that we can then love others. My friend, that is not only unbiblical, it is illogical and foolish. How can we be so gullible as to embrace this kind of error? Love is a matter of prioritizing. I am to love God above any and all others; He has first priority. I am to love my wife above all mankind, just as Christ has set His love on His church. I am to love my neighbor and even my enemy. That is, I am to put the interests of others above my own (see Philippians 2:1-8). If I love myself first, I cannot love my neighbor, because loving my neighbor means putting him first. I am to love my neighbor as myself; that is, I am to love my neighbor in the same ways I find it natural to love myself (see Ephesians 5:28-30).

Some Christians see self-love for what it is, but there are other forms of self-absorption, and some people are self-centered in other ways. Some put themselves first by continually leveling blame or guilt toward themselves, rather than accepting and appropriating God’s forgiving grace. Others wallow in the mired waters of self-pity, constantly meditating on the ways others have abused them. Any preoccupation with self is self-centered and contrary to the way of love. Let us not forget that ours is the way of the cross; the Christian life is about dying daily and the mortification of the flesh. Too many Christians try to coddle that which needs to be crucified.